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gummyhorses

SEE YOU LATER, SPACE COWBOY
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im trying to get rid of a lot of these im mostly only taking usd but you can offer character designs but im trying to cut down on them heavily

https://toyhou.se/gummyhorses/characters/folder:1415754?page=1

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.gummyhorses twitter and insta
i dont have a tumblr but if i make one same @
my yt is gummy horses
hate this site xx
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So 2020, eh?

5 min read
I'm doing this one early because new years eve I won't be able to write.

So 2019, eh?ANOTHER YEAR AND WE'RE BACK AT THIS. 
These are literally a little series, you can keep clicking through all of them for all small chronicle of my life. 
Well, anyways, on with the show!
2018 overall was a kinda good year. like. kinda. Like. Really kinda. Had a lot of absolute misfortune and immense emotional trauma, but also a lot of success. Let's start with the bad, as per usual.
Had the longest lasting relationship I've had yet, where I really truly cared about the person I was dating; but I guess they didn't care about me as much so that ended. That really tore me up, I had a lot happen this year but surprisingly that was the thing that really fucked with me the most. Which is really stupid considering homeless x3 III the reckoning came around. But whatever. I have really bad trust issues now, oh well. I don't care as much as I use to but it did shake me up.
I also went homeless for a 3rd time, happens every february, march, may and so on each ye
Yaknow the drill by now, its not like anyone reads these at all anymore except me in the future or its not like I get anymore followers on a website I'm inactive on. Yada Yada, been doing this for a long fucking time and you can trace back all of the old year reflections in those.
Anyways, I'm pretty sure 2017 is the worst year in all of these reflections, but 2019 is far worse. There's hardly any positives, so lets get straight into the ugly.
Starting off strong in January on my fucking birthday I cut ties with my abuser of 3 years. No one was there for me, I just had to do it all on my own. I felt horribly guilty because of the hellish gas lighting and abuse, and I still do to a degree, but. Whatever. It's kinda over. I'm away from them, they can't cause any new damage, I just have to live through my current life with their reflection in every mirror I see, and my entire world revolving around them to a degree.
Then in the following months over especially May-June I lost the only people I cared about because they hated my guts. I spent the summer being groomed by a kinnie (pathetic, I know,) and then being terrified of my dad and him taunting me because he's gotten incredibly abusive ever since we moved into our current house.
Soon after that I was diagnosed with c-ptsd, and then osdd-1b. I found my current group of friends who I love dearly, but if I'm being honest they don't care about me as much as I do them.
The next school year started and my home life got more and more worse. cps was called, cops were called, they're all useless though and don't care if youre bruised and bloodied as long as there's food in the cabinets. My dad and stepmom got worse and worse, and they're the reason I have to do this early. My moms trying to get custody over me. She kinda sucks in a lot of different ways, but shes the lesser of two evils at this point.
I lost all of the stuff that I held closest to me this year, whether it be friends, actual possessions my dad threw out, or my already shaky self confidence. This year was just me losing everything. My best friend moved to california to pursue a better life, and I'm stuck here in the desert trying to find a way to be free. I'm shackled by my past and by my parents into a life of misery, and everyday I fight endlessly to get out of it with no hope.
This year has been hell. There are hardly any upsides.
I found some friends, but I can't put trust into them.
I feel so lonely, no matter who I'm around or where I am. I feel this deep, dark, consuming loneliness that slowly consumes me more and more as the days go by isolating me from the people around me and making me feel miserable and worthless. I don't stop at nothing and I keep working to stay as stable as I can in my situation, and I keep working at myself to be a better person but my life is so goddamn bad right now, no matter what I do to stay afloat mentally it feels like I'm drowning.
I don't have it in me to make art and show it to other people anymore, I feel so ignored by everyone else I don't want the statistics to prove it too.
I don't know how to feel about 2020. I don't know if my future gets better from here. I don't know if it gets worse. I just.
I just want freedom, that's all I want.
So, here's to 2020. A new decade.
I don't know what my life will look like. I just know that even if I'm at my lowest, for whatever reason, I won't stop fighting.
Let's hope that next year when I make one of these, it's more positive.
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uwo

1 min read
decided to come back becuzzz like
i might have a lot of enemies
and a lot of ppl stalking this account waiting to belittle me in the shadows but
ayyy gotta make that money
also ppl miss me i guess
anyways feel free to add me on discord

Icarus#1034 

also pls don't call me percy anymore
i go by max, dirk or icarus. icarus is most prefered but all of them are good. pick ur poison 
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I’m not using deviantart anymore, at least not from here, or my alt. I don’t want people to find me anymore, and I’m leaving this name and a lot of accounts behind. I’m leaving my YouTube, furaffinity and toyhouse up and that’s it, everything else is changing. Don’t try to track down my other accounts. Don’t talk about me, don’t think about me, I’m gone. Forget I existed and move on. The only reason I won’t deactivate this account is for archival reasons
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Featured

i already dont use DA anymore but here by gummyhorses, journal

So 2020, eh? by gummyhorses, journal

uwo by gummyhorses, journal

abandoning this account by gummyhorses, journal

oh my god its that time of year by gummyhorses, journal